Ég Tala Ekki Íslensku

Hi, Hello, Good Evening,

**Cycling Mountain Passes - East Fjords, Iceland - Copyright 2012**

I sat by a lake tonight - for the first time in a long time. A very long time. The lake was perfectly still - such a stillness that I have not experienced in many months. The reflections of the mountains painted crisply across the surface in a hundred shades of blue. And just before we left, the moon crept up over the ridge and lit the mountainscape behind us. Sound seemed divided - the subtle bustle of Canmore quieting down for the night, and then such a pure silence coming from the lake that it seemed a sin just to think. Three of us sat there for what felt like blissful eternity. Not a word. Nobody asked to be quiet. Nobody suggested that we stand in awe of the beauty before us. We just did. I felt as if we had been overcome by something greater. Something between the three of us was shared that night - not through language, not through thought.

 **Lupins - East Fjords, Iceland - Copyright 2012**

And as the fish began rising in the splash of moonlight on the lake, I suddenly felt comfortable. I felt at peace. With myself - With mother nature - With my compatriots. I could have stayed for hours. One day I will. But we left - a phenomenal evening of climbing (I did my first lead climb!!! By headlamp in the dark!!), great company, and such an etherial moment to cap it all off.

**Íslenskur hestur - East Fjords, Iceland - Copyright 2012**

Goða Nott

-Zigs


"You Are Loved. All Is Well"

Economists, Ecotourists, and Eccentrics

Hello Good Evening,

*This post should be read while listening to something epic - something orchestrally triumphant. Something like the Pirates of the Caribbean sound track or the sorts...*

Another beautiful day. Another quiet drive home. It’s nice to be able to walk again - at least sort of. I’m amazed at how fast my body heals. I’m actually shocked that despite the fact that I fried both my legs at last wednesdays dry-land training, I’m still able to climb. It makes no sense, but I enjoy it. It’s like being in the mountains gives me some sort of purpose. Maybe it’s hope. Maybe it’s a distraction. All I know is that I truly do appreciate it. Maybe one day I’ll be okay at it.

What does it mean to be socially awkward? I feel like sometimes my photo is beside the word in the dictionary. Why do I speak when I do? Why do I not just remain silent? I like it when I’m quiet - and yet there is some driving force to say really dumb things that clutter the air space with meaningless sound waves. I’m not trying to sound self-deprecating, but sometimes - particularly in groups of people that I’m starting to feel comfortable with - I say the weirdest things that I don’t even mean to. 

I love just being there and listening to people talk. I love hearing the exchange of ideas. I truly enjoy watching groups of people explore ideas - nobody seeing the same side of it - and yet everybody is legitimate in their view. I love laughing at peoples jokes, and smiling when people say something witty. Face-palming when the puns are particularly bad, and staying quiet while people are discussing. But all in all, there’s a weird thing that happens when finally somebody turns to me and says “Ryley, I don’t think you’ve said a word in the last hour - what do you think?”. And I know that they don’t actually care, and that they probably just want to make me feel involved, but I like being recognized as the quiet one - I don’t know why. Usually when that question comes up, I’ll still refuse to share anything and go back to listening. I feel that I haven’t found myself in that situation for a long time. I look forward to experiencing it again.

So where is the line between listener, and socially awkward? I feel that I have no concrete understanding.

I find lately I’ve been expressing all kinds of really dumb things. Especially in the work environment. Who am I to bring anything up. Usually at this point I would make some wise crack about how I’m too dumb to be worth listening to, but I’m sick of playing that game too. Sometimes I wish I could just not talk about process-improvement, or “how things should be”, because all it does is get me really riled up, and I wind up just adding to the mess. 

I would like to fix bikes and that is all... The processes are the processes. The shop has made it this far, who am I to try to change things. I can’t even distinguish between a front and rear derailleur half the time... I exaggerate for effect, but you know what I mean.

It comes down to social situations too - why am I always saying really dumb things? It drives me crazy. I’m not sharp witted, or cunning by any means. I have very little tact, and I am totally clueless when it comes to any type of conversation. And yet I still open my mouth and try to contribute. 

I kinda wonder if it’s due to some massive insecurities that are built up inside of me. Something that says “if you don’t speak up, nobody will know that you’re there!”. Which is total garbage, and I don’t know if that idea came as a result of gradual socialization, or if that’s something that is fundamental to my being. I feel it’s the former. I think that if I’m all quiet, nobody will see me. Nobody will think I’m even there. Nobody will recognize the small amount of intelligence that I may or may not posses (Myself being a firm believer that all humans are born equally intelligent). I fear that I will be mistaken for just being plain out dumb. That would lead to my exclusion on the many fun things that are being done in the world. 

And Christ don’t even put me in the same square kilometer of somebody I’m attracted to  ‘cause then I say REALLY stupid things.

I dunno. I guess all of this is me saying that I’m going to try to move into a quieter state of being. Finding more things to appreciate, and less things to try to improve. Things will improve if I allow them to. To allow, I must stop pushing against. 

On another note, Logan, thanks a tonne for what you said the other day (other week?)- not many people say stuff like that to me - I feel that you are hands down one of the most socially aware people I know. You are frighteningly emotionally perceptive, and I truly enjoy the time that I spend with you, both at work, and at play. Even though I don’t necessarily believe it, and my fear of women will probably never go away, I will probably reflect on those words until the day I die. You showed me that maybe I do matter. You showed me that even if I’ll never do anything about it, at least the potential is there. 

“Attachment leads to Jealousy - the shadow of Greed that is”.

-Jedi Grand Master Yoda

Your arm lingered a moment too long on my shoulder today. I don’t think I should write this here. But I will. Maybe you’ll see it. Probably not. I am a very big appreciator of you. In fact, I’ve sat here for the last five minutes trying to express how awesome I think you are, and words on a page won’t do it justice. Please just know that. 

Yeah... you do make me speechless.

Goodnight,

-Zigs

“You Are Loved. All Is Well”