Sunday, August 19, 2012

Economists, Ecotourists, and Eccentrics


Hello Good Evening,

*This post should be read while listening to something epic - something orchestrally triumphant. Something like the Pirates of the Caribbean sound track or the sorts...*

Another beautiful day. Another quiet drive home. It’s nice to be able to walk again - at least sort of. I’m amazed at how fast my body heals. I’m actually shocked that despite the fact that I fried both my legs at last wednesdays dry-land training, I’m still able to climb. It makes no sense, but I enjoy it. It’s like being in the mountains gives me some sort of purpose. Maybe it’s hope. Maybe it’s a distraction. All I know is that I truly do appreciate it. Maybe one day I’ll be okay at it.

What does it mean to be socially awkward? I feel like sometimes my photo is beside the word in the dictionary. Why do I speak when I do? Why do I not just remain silent? I like it when I’m quiet - and yet there is some driving force to say really dumb things that clutter the air space with meaningless sound waves. I’m not trying to sound self-deprecating, but sometimes - particularly in groups of people that I’m starting to feel comfortable with - I say the weirdest things that I don’t even mean to. 

I love just being there and listening to people talk. I love hearing the exchange of ideas. I truly enjoy watching groups of people explore ideas - nobody seeing the same side of it - and yet everybody is legitimate in their view. I love laughing at peoples jokes, and smiling when people say something witty. Face-palming when the puns are particularly bad, and staying quiet while people are discussing. But all in all, there’s a weird thing that happens when finally somebody turns to me and says “Ryley, I don’t think you’ve said a word in the last hour - what do you think?”. And I know that they don’t actually care, and that they probably just want to make me feel involved, but I like being recognized as the quiet one - I don’t know why. Usually when that question comes up, I’ll still refuse to share anything and go back to listening. I feel that I haven’t found myself in that situation for a long time. I look forward to experiencing it again.

So where is the line between listener, and socially awkward? I feel that I have no concrete understanding.

I find lately I’ve been expressing all kinds of really dumb things. Especially in the work environment. Who am I to bring anything up. Usually at this point I would make some wise crack about how I’m too dumb to be worth listening to, but I’m sick of playing that game too. Sometimes I wish I could just not talk about process-improvement, or “how things should be”, because all it does is get me really riled up, and I wind up just adding to the mess. 

I would like to fix bikes and that is all... The processes are the processes. The shop has made it this far, who am I to try to change things. I can’t even distinguish between a front and rear derailleur half the time... I exaggerate for effect, but you know what I mean.

It comes down to social situations too - why am I always saying really dumb things? It drives me crazy. I’m not sharp witted, or cunning by any means. I have very little tact, and I am totally clueless when it comes to any type of conversation. And yet I still open my mouth and try to contribute. 

I kinda wonder if it’s due to some massive insecurities that are built up inside of me. Something that says “if you don’t speak up, nobody will know that you’re there!”. Which is total garbage, and I don’t know if that idea came as a result of gradual socialization, or if that’s something that is fundamental to my being. I feel it’s the former. I think that if I’m all quiet, nobody will see me. Nobody will think I’m even there. Nobody will recognize the small amount of intelligence that I may or may not posses (Myself being a firm believer that all humans are born equally intelligent). I fear that I will be mistaken for just being plain out dumb. That would lead to my exclusion on the many fun things that are being done in the world. 

And Christ don’t even put me in the same square kilometer of somebody I’m attracted to  ‘cause then I say REALLY stupid things.

I dunno. I guess all of this is me saying that I’m going to try to move into a quieter state of being. Finding more things to appreciate, and less things to try to improve. Things will improve if I allow them to. To allow, I must stop pushing against. 

On another note, Logan, thanks a tonne for what you said the other day (other week?)- not many people say stuff like that to me - I feel that you are hands down one of the most socially aware people I know. You are frighteningly emotionally perceptive, and I truly enjoy the time that I spend with you, both at work, and at play. Even though I don’t necessarily believe it, and my fear of women will probably never go away, I will probably reflect on those words until the day I die. You showed me that maybe I do matter. You showed me that even if I’ll never do anything about it, at least the potential is there. 

“Attachment leads to Jealousy - the shadow of Greed that is”.
-Jedi Grand Master Yoda


Your arm lingered a moment too long on my shoulder today. I don’t think I should write this here. But I will. Maybe you’ll see it. Probably not. I am a very big appreciator of you. In fact, I’ve sat here for the last five minutes trying to express how awesome I think you are, and words on a page won’t do it justice. Please just know that. 

Yeah... you do make me speechless.


Goodnight,

-Zigs


“You Are Loved. All Is Well”

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This whole post can be condensed into you have already decided how others hear and JUDGE what you say.

"Nobody will recognize the small amount of intelligence that I may or may not posses "
-Where is the self confidence ?

you need not be afraid of how others see you or interacting with them if you have enough confidence in yourself.

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”: FDR’s First Inaugural Address

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10 Myths about introverts!



Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

9:08 PM  

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